Stuck in the middle

X had his first official First day of school. This morning i thought for sure it was going to be terrible. X was throwing fits left and right, about anything and everything; We didn’t stop at in and out, we didn’t go to the movies, he didn’t want to wear clothes, he had to put shoes on, you get the idea.

Without any high exceptions we made our way to school. The second  school came into view X’s mood shifted. His grump face had turned into a big ole smile. When we pulled up he spotted another little boy waiting outside and immediately asked to go play.

I undid his carseat, he told his daddy bye-bye and there we went. X walked straight up to the walkway where he gets picked up , peered in the doors, his teachers came out, we said our goodbyes and in he went. Confident. Ready. Happy. All the fussy-ness from this morning had disappeared and replaced with eagerness.

All in all his first official day was a success. When i picked him up this afternoon his teacher said he had a great day and that’s all we want. I pray this positivity continues throughout the rest of the year. I am so proud of my little man.

I hope everyone else’s first day went just as well if not better than ours.

Picture: Famous first day of school photo.

🙌Hallelujah🙌

Now let me start by saying I love X with all my heard but good God am I looking forward to him heading back to pre-k. We both thrive with a routine. He knows what to expect 5 days out of the week  and I know I will have an hour of silence since J naps for an hour while he’s gone.

Before X started school I just to laugh at how parents counted down for school time. I used to think how can you not handle being with your kids 24/7, I am. I never understood until I got a taste of what having a kid in school was like. Yeah you miss your kids but you also get to see them grow, achieve, and if were lucky maybe we even get a moment to ourselves.

X is in the PPCD(Preschool program for children with disabilities) program at his school. This will be his first full year and we are so excited. We just recently received his welcome back letter and supplies list. Growing up I loved back to school shopping. It gave me a sort of rush. Now reliving all that with my little one, it’s finally come full circle.

So to all the ladies who have kids going back to school, breathe that sigh of relief. To the mommas who still have kids at home, God speed. Lol.  Seriously though all joking aside though I’ll be praying for all of us mom’s alike. We all need some support and love. 🖤

Insomnia will be the death of me. X has never been one to stay alseep or sleep the recommended 8 hours he should be. Since he was born he has always stayed up passed 11pm and still manages to get up around 8am, if not earlier. He woke up throughout the night until two. It wasn’t that big of an issue when it was just X, Alex(SO), and I and we didn’t have a set schedule.

Fast forward to now and we have speech therapy 2x a week, half day pre-k, another child, and more adult responsibilities. Not only do we have an insomia issue X also refuses to sleep in his own bed. He used to be great at sleeping in his own room until 6 months ago. X had a fever so i brought him into our bed to keep an eye on him and that’s all it took. All those years of progess just flushed down the toilet. On the nights we do manage to get him to sleep in his bed, we wake up to him crawling into ours a few hours later.

We’ve tried laying with him till he falls alseep, tv, tablet, cuddles, mattress on our floor, we even went so far as to buy him a new big boy bed with a tempur-pedic mattress. As a sort of last resort we’ve given him melatonin a few times but still the same result. Awake, and in our bed.

I try and cherish the cuddles I do get because I know one day it’ll just be a memory but sometimes it feels like he will be sleeping with us forever. In the meantime I’ll be here balancing on the edge of our bed with feet in my face trying to remember it’s going to be okay. Sleep tight yall 😴

Our story is like many others out there. There’s a beginning, a middle and an end, except our journey hasn’t ended nor has it really begun. “Possible Autism with speech delay” is the phrase they used to explain X.  His lack of speech, erratic hand movements, hittings, and OCD behavior seemed worrisome, meanwhile his social skills, physical behavior and comprehension was off the charts. A split decision. He wasn’t quite “normal” but not fully Autistic.

That was almost a year ago now and it’s been a hell of a ride. We’re still stuck not knowing if our little one will grow out of his behaviors or if this is forever. My hope for this blog is to share our story and maybe even help some other people who seem to be stuck just like us.  I look forward to sharing our struggles, triumphs and everything in between. ❤

Thanks for joining me!

“Motherhood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have. It’s about understanding that he is exactly the person he is supposed to be and that, if you’re lucky, he just might be the teacher who turns you into the person you are supposed to be.” – Joan Ryan